Autumn Faith

It has been six days since we first were told that we lost our precious baby at 22 weeks. We arrived at the hospital at 9:30pm on Sunday night and found out around 10:30 that our baby no longer had a heartbeat. She was delivered at 3:30 the next afternoon. Her name is Autumn Faith. My mind wants to tell the story and how we feel but honestly I don’t know where to start.

As mentioned before there were warning signs. The amniotic fluid was extremely low for two consecutive level II ultrasounds and her growth was delayed. We had done some research on the condition and knew that the outlook was not great. The most optimistic review had given her less than a 20% chance of survival. We had been discussing all our emotions about the situation with God for a couple of weeks. We had come to Him confused, shocked, sad, angry, broken, and finally trusting. We knew that God was not responsible for what was happening. Although He had the ability to fix the problem or keep Autumn alive it might not be what is best. Unfortunately our baby was stolen from us, but our heavenly Father knows her, knows us and knows our pain.

For a few days prior to the loss of Autumn I had been having very unusual feelings. Nothing physical, but very emotional and felt like something was not right. Saturday night I read suggestions on what to do if you have a miscarriage to help you overcome it best. Oddly enough, I was being prepared. So as heart-broken as I was Sunday, I was not surprised. I had held on to the hope that she would make it and defy all reasoning, but it didn’t happen.

Immediately I felt such love from those around me (excluding the ultrasound tech). The nurses, doctors, friends, family and above all my husband…At that point the hardest thing for me was to see the pain he was in. I know I have said it before, but I can not say it enough…John Michael is truly an angel that I have been blessed with. He knows me like no one else and loves me unconditionally. He is the one that I can go to and know that he will understand even when I don’t say anything. He took over and called close family members and friends. He took the texts and phone calls when I couldn’t even though he had to deal with the tragedy too.

(From John Michael): It is only fair that I say a few words of endearment about Karen since she so kindly expressed her feelings of me. It really blew my mind how prepared she was the whole time. She was honestly always a step ahead. “In tune with her body” are words I have used a lot lately. Maybe this is not that uncommon with women, but from the beginning Karen has had the mysterious women’s intuition thing working strong. And as far as being strong Sunday night and into Monday, it was no contest. She was the one who barely got any sleep in the hospital and stayed focused and determined throughout the whole process. She could have done what I did….I couldn’t have done what she did.

For both of us our hardest day was Wednesday. I guess that is when it all started sinking in the most. But then we went to lunch in a restaurant owned by a couple in our church and they asked if they could pray for us in the back. We left the restaurant feeling restored and lifted, truly.

It has been an amazing ride this past week. Although we were faced with unfamiliar circumstances and decisions, we feel an assurance with the path we chose because it was based on faith and brought before God. As tragic as the situation is, we have had a peace that only God could provide. He continues to carry us and love on us through faithful friends and family. He has also continues to show us love through our amazing son. Lance continues to be happy and full of life. There are times when it still seems unreal, other times when we feel complete acceptance of the situation, and other times when our hearts ache and there are no words for it.

For those who don’t know what to say to people in our situation, please relax. We know you care by just saying you are there for us. Please don’t feel like you need to offer suggestions or advice unless you have been there and know what helped you. And even though it is a natural tendency to want to comfort with “Everything happens for a reason” sometimes that just isn’t what people who are hurting want to hear. I know it sounds hypocritical when we say it, but it takes time to come to that place. Some of the words that comforted us the most were, “I don’t know what to say but I am here for you.”

By the way, the autopsy results have come back and they feel that the cause of Autumn’s death is placental abruption. They found that she had no genetic defects and was perfectly formed other than being delayed. So, it looks like there should be no impact on future pregnancies. I do have to say she was beautiful!

Again thank you to all of you who have been such a source of strength…friends, family, church, nurses, doctors and Mary at the hospital. You ALL are amazing! God is using each of you and time to heal our wounds. We just hope our scars that will never completely disappear will be able to help others in the future.

Sisters' Cruise!

Just the three of us

Cabo San Lucas

Well don't have much time to go into all the details right now because I am exhausted. Ha, don't know how that is possible from lying around all day. Anyway, I was able to go on a cruise with my two sisters a couple of weeks ago. It was a blast and a wonderful time of relaxation. Just wanted to share a couple of pictures from the cruise. Unfortunately, one of my sisters who had most of the pictures lost her camera when she took her kids trick-or-treating. Yikes! So, we lost a lot of the pictures. I will hang on to these and remember the good times, though.

I absolutely love being around my family and did greatly miss them; however, I highly suggest a sisters' trip to anyone who has one or a girls' trip. It is great to get away, be silly, and bond for a while when you normally don't have the time to. Thanks to the friends and family who urged me to go and thanks to John Michael who did not complain about holding down the fort without me for a week.

Hairston haps is back...finally

The above pictures are from February-June of this last year

Well, it only took me 11 months to update our blog. Eeek, sorry. I am glad to be back. For some of you there are big updates that you have not heard about. Now, where to start...

I would say that this last 5 months has been pretty eventful in our home. Lance had surgery in August to correct his eyes. They look fabulous! He no longer wears glasses and he seems to see better. ...I just realized that some of you didn't know he even had glasses for a period. I posted older picts above...That same month he started preschool which he absolutely loves. His teacher is great with him and he is able to be around other children five days a week. That same week, John Michael started working at a fish hatchery as a Game and Fish Technician for the state. He has really enjoyed working again, being outdoors, and learning new things. It is fun for me to hear about all the different fish and wildlife out at the hatchery as well. I can tell that it has sparked a side of John Michael that was missing when he stayed at home with Lance. Don't get me wrong, he loved being at home with Lance and is a fabulous dad, but he missed working in his field.

Lance after his eye surgery before they cleared up. Look how straight they are though!

Lance had another surgery in September to correct for undescended testes. The surgery went well and he came out of it like a trooper. Our son is one tough cookie! Luckily no more surgeries expected for a while. He may have to have another revision of his eyes down the road, but time will tell.

The other big news in the Hairston household is that I am pregnant! Yep, we are expecting at baby around April 9th making me 19 weeks pregnant. Although this baby was not expected, we are thrilled. I have to admit this pregnancy has been kind of strange so far, but we are making it. During the first trimester we had some scares with several bleeds, but were able to get that under control. Then at 15 weeks I broke out with shingles. Yes, shingles! Can you believe it?! I am pretty much over that now. However, Monday I had a level II ultrasound to make sure the shingles had not affected the baby and left with greater concerns. Currently there are several concerns, but the greatest is that the amniotic fluid surrounding the baby is extremely low. So, guess how I am able to take time to update this blog? hee hee! You got it, I am on bed rest and drinking fluids like crazy!

Honestly, I was very worried and emotional Monday following the ultrasound. Since then I have calmed down and realized that my heavenly Daddy knows me, this baby, and all that is going on. I don't want to use the cliche of "Everything happens for a reason." Although I do believe that, but more like everything is going to be okay. No matter what the outcome, everything is going to be okay. I truly believe that the amniotic fluid could be restored and this baby end up being the healthiest baby alive. I also know that isn't always the plan for every baby. Either way, this child is deeply loved by our family.

I have been blessed with an amazing husband, family, and friends. I honestly can not put into words how much love and respect I have for my husband. He has been such a rock and man of integrity. I will stop before I get out of control. ha! God has just shown so many blessings through the trials.

So, are you wanting to see pictures of our wild little Lance?

Obviously before the surgery, but Lance is one outdoor guy. Here he has just enjoyed his first ice cream cone on his own. He was pretty proud. We have been saying "ice cream" (in Lance language) almost every day since. Ha!

Our latest pictures of our ringtail lemur from Halloween.

More Lance Tube

He is a fountain of blog material

Not too much going on here. Just some funny pics and videos we thought we should definitely post. Enjoy!

1)This is from Lance on his trampoline and the sun was shining out of the clouds provided an awesome background. I caught him mid-stride here.

2)We started looking at some clips we had from earlier this year and Lance was very fascinated.

3)I got this cool little aTm lighted fan for Christmas and Lance was seeing how it felt on his tongue. Ha. Btw, this picture was taken while he was on his little potty. He is taking major strides in the "poo poo in the potty" department over the last 7 days. Great signs of what will come.
4)This is from tonight. We left a Christmas gift of Lance's in Texas and it we got it in the mail today. He loves the drums. Thanks NaNa for sending the package!!

Videos! Something old, something new

One of Lance's many crazy moments. Rookie helped make this a very funny clip.

Surprisingly, Lance knows his boundaries and almost always stays away from the springs. He's getting more and more comfortable. He was kinda worn down in this clip.

Captions to pictures below

I tried to edit the last post to add captions to the pictures, but somehow it is not working at this time...so I will put them in this post. :o)

The first picture is of Lance in his skunk costume at therapy on Halloween. It was adorable. I wish you could have seen him walking around with the skunk tail. hee hee!

The second picture is when Lance started noticing each individual light on the Christmas tree. He makes his sound that means 'light' as he points to each one. It is really sweet.

Third...Lance and two of his cousins on Christmas morning when he received his rocking horse on springs. He has been having a ball with that for sure!

Fourth...He fell in love with a teddy bear that plays music at Target one day. Santa found out and put it in his stocking. This is him sharing with daddy. When the music plays he 'rocks it to sleep.'

Fifth...Lance's second time he bit into an apple. That day he decided to try every apple in the bowl. ha! He especially loves red apples.